More Than Chemistry

More Than Chemistry--October 18, 2018

[Jesus said:] "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." [John 13:34-35]

The challenge of Jesus is the challenge to be known for our love.

It really is that simple.  Jesus is quite clear about what he intends to be the hallmark of his community of disciples.  The only real question is whether we take him seriously or not.  Jesus says, he wishes for us--no, it is stronger than that; he challenges us--to be known for our love.

Now, mind you, if "love" is merely a matter of brain chemistry, of triggered endorphins in our bloodstream, or of how we feel around other people, this is an impossible command.  You can't make yourself feel a certain way, and you can't force yourself to like someone who rubs you the wrong way.  And let's just be honest here--sometimes we rub each other the wrong way.  Sometimes it's differences in personality; sometimes it's annoying little tics.  Sometimes we get so disgusted with each other's politics, even among people who all name the name of Jesus, that we can't imagine being very friendly beyond fake small talk and discussion of the weather.  But none of those is what love really has in mind.  Love has very little to do with "liking" people, and everything to do with doing good for someone else, before you look out for your own interests, regardless of whether you "like" them very much at the moment.

And now, when we bracket out the question of whether my fickle emotions "feel like it" or not, the commandment to love makes a great deal more sense.  It is practically nonsense to order people, "Like these other people!" or "Feel good when this other person enters the room!"  because those responses are as much in our control as yawning or shivering or nausea.  But if the command is, "Do good for these people, and put their needs before your own, regardless of whether you feel like it at the moment or think they are worthy of it," well, at least then this is something that is possible to do.  And Jesus said this will be the touchstone for us.  The world will know us based on our love--not even necessarily how much we like each other, agree with each other, vote like one another, or have much else in common with one another.  Those things are not in our power, because Jesus reserves the right to keep drawing people to himself who are quite different from one another--he has been doing that all along, since the days of gathering tax collectors and Zealots, Jews and Gentiles, men and women, together two thousand years ago.  Jesus never said we all have to share the same tastes in music, watch the same movies, or have the same approach to buying a car.  He did insist that we put the interests of each other before our own, and he said that's how he wants the watching world to know us.  Love is to be our calling card--this is Jesus' challenge.

Now, ask some random stranger on the street what first comes to mind when they think of Christians, and I suspect you'll get an entirely different set of answers.  We are known for being judgmental, hypocritical, and self-interested.  We are associated with selling out for political influence, turning people away from the Good News, and for pathetically trying to hold onto a position of comfort and privilege that we imagine was part of a Golden Age in the past.  And we church folk often have a reputation for being more interested in keeping our own doors open and propping up our institutions than in standing with the most marginalized, using our voices for the sake of those who are silenced, or spending our resources for the actual needs of other people outside of our membership.  None of those is being known for love.

I had a conversation with someone not long ago who was looking back on his lifetime and asking the hard questions of life, death, faith, doubt, and God.  And he said to me very clearly, like he had given this a great deal of thought (and I have no doubt he did), "I have never stopped believing in God, and I have great admiration for what Jesus said in the stories.  But despite my upbringing in church as a kid, I have seen too much of how religion becomes a con to want to be a part of an institutional church now."  He told me of having seen starvation, poverty, and need overseas in his travels, and also having seen immense, palatial church buildings, cathedrals, and TV preachers with private jets, and that the disconnect with the actual teachings and way of Jesus was too much for him. And then he told me of how the Church of his childhood was nowhere to be seen when he and his family went through a crisis years before, and all they got was judgment and turned backs. And in so many ways, my friend was right; none of that looks very much like the love Jesus spoke of, the love he embodied, the love he offered up with nails.  My conversation with this honest man has left an impression on me, to be sure.

And the thing is, he's not alone.  Not by a long shot.

It's not just people far away in other places who are watching us from a distance.  It's our neighbors, it's our coworkers, and it's the people who see our crude remarks on Facebook.  The watching world can tell what our priorities are, because they can see how we spend our money, our time, and our attention.  They can see what we get riled up about, and what we ignore.  They can see who we open our doors to, and who gets turned away.  And for an awful lot of the watching world, what they see doesn't look like love. 

In a way Jesus' challenge is a lot bigger than we think at first, because he frames his dare to us in terms of how others know us.  He doesn't say, "If you think you are being loving, that's enough."  Jesus knows we are stinkers who fool ourselves into ignoring the unflattering parts of our lives and who put the best possible spin on everything else.  He knows that we are great at making excuses for ourselves and giving no benefit of the doubt to others. And so Jesus doesn't say, "If you think you are loving, you are automatically a good witness as my disciple." Jesus puts a great deal of weight onto what the watching world sees--does it look like love?  Does it show, beyond emotions and endorphins, the commitment to do good to others before our own interests?  Because that is something that the watching world will be able to see--it is a measurable, real, observable set of facts.  

That means the right question to ask, in this aspect of Jesus' challenge, is not, "Do I think I am loving in my own eyes?" but rather, "When the watching world sees and hears me, is love at the top of the list of impressions they get?  And if not, why not?"

So on this day, let's start there.  If we are going to name the name of Jesus, we will want more and more fully to be known by the calling card he thinks is most important--the ways we love.  For all the other things we have been known for in the past, let today be the day we seek to stand out by our reckless, unconditional, authentic, selfless love.

After all, Jesus says, God has loved us first, before we did a thing, without consideration for getting paid back, and regardless of whether God "liked" what we were doing at the time.  If we are so beloved, let that be the kind of love we reflect back into the world.

Lord Jesus, let us be known for love like yours--beyond emotions and endorphins in our brains, to concrete actions and words of compassion for all.