This Again?--May 4, 2020
"Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong." [2 Corinthians 12:7b-10]
The risen Jesus, the Scriptures note, apparently has special powers and abilities beyond our own. He can appear behind locked doors, travel at superhuman speeds, and produce miraculous catches of fish, among other things. But one of the most underappreciated (but especially needed) talents of the risen Christ, it would seem, is extraordinary patience.
The risen Jesus keeps bearing with us when we are dense, doubting, or don't get it. And he doesn't give up on getting through to us, even when we keep banging our heads into the wall chasing after things that are not good for us. Long after I would have sent Paul away with a frustrated, "This again?" Jesus keeps listening, keeps bearing with him, and keeps pointing Paul toward something better. I would not have that sort of long-suffering compassion, I confess.
We don't know what this "thorn in the flesh" was that Paul wrestled with. Some scholars think it was a physical sickness, or maybe an ailment that affected his eyesight because of some comments he makes elsewhere in his letters. Others think he was afflicted by depression, or that he was taunted by demonic voices. Still others just think that there was some other person in the church who really, really got under his skin. In a sense, it doesn't matter what the specifics were. What seems noteworthy to me on this day is that Paul keeps going back to thinking it would be great if the Lord would remove this thing. And throughout three different seasons in his life asking about it, time after time after time the response from the Lord was, "No--this is not the right thing for you. No, I know you think that pursuing this will be good, but it will not. No, what you need is what you already have: me."
For a lot of my life, when I have read this passage, I have entered it from Paul's vantage point. I know what it's like to keep asking and asking and asking, to keep seeking in prayer, and for only answers back to come as silent "nos". I know what it's like to be sure--absolutely sure--I know what the next good and right thing is... only to have the door swing shut and the possibilities closed off. And in those moments, sometimes we want to assume that if Jesus is really risen from the dead, he should be giving us the things we ask for.
But today I've been thinking about how this whole recurring conversation must have seemed from Jesus' vantage point. And when I think for a moment about what it must be like for the risen Jesus to bear our habit of again and again and again seeking after the things that are not good for us, it amazes me that Jesus doesn't zap us with lightning or at least smack us upside the head on a daily basis. It's got to sound sometimes to him like we are that acquaintance everybody has who keeps getting swept up in one shady investment proposal or pyramid scheme after another, who keeps asking you to "get in on the ground floor" because "this time it's gonna be a gold mine for sure!" Or that we're the relative who calls on the phone sporadically, every time from a different city and state, trying to convince you (and maybe themselves) that this new set-up they've got will work out "this time," but... also asking you for some money ("a loan!" they insist) to help them out "just this one last time." Sometimes it's got to seem to Jesus like we are addicts who keep falling off the wagon asking for you not to tell anyone else that they're drinking again, because they're sure they can handle it all by themselves this time. And each time in those episodes, the answer has to be "No" because of love... because the thing we are SO sure would just make everything great for us is really not the best thing for us. And we just refuse to see it.
I am continually amazed that the risen Jesus refuses either to become our vending machine and just give in to every prayer request (even the terrible ones) just to get us to believe in his power, or to zap us with divine judgment when we seek repeatedly for the wrong thing. Instead, Jesus shows a patience I have a hard time mustering for others in my life, and he remains firmly committed to give Paul what is really best in the big picture. When Paul starts complaining, "But everybody else I know doesn't have to deal with this thorn in the flesh that I have!" Jesus' response is still, "I know, but I need you to trust me on this one--it is better for me not to give you thing you are asking for." And when Paul starts over again, praying, "What's the harm that could come from me not getting this?" Jesus' response is again, the firm but loving, "This is not what you need. It's not what you need, and it's not what is good in the big picture." And then when Paul, even later in his life, tries to bring it up all over again (still surely thinking, "But THIS time it will be different!"), I am amazed that Jesus doesn't just throw angry fists down and shout, "This again?"
Instead, over and over again, there is graceful patience that puts Paul (and us) back on course again, and that bears with us when we seem hell-bent on running off in the wrong direction down some rabbit trail or chasing after mirages.
And that, if I am really honest, is really what I need. It's what all of us need. Look, I know me. I know us. We are wayward, thick-headed, stubborn, easily-fooled sheep, and we need someone who will both say "no" to us with love when we are chasing after a mirage or want to spend our last dollar on snake-oil, and who will also still answer the phone when we call at 3:00 in the morning, swearing that "this time" it will be different.
That's the power of the risen Jesus we most truly need. I don't usually need someone to appear out of thin air a la Harry Potter like a parlor trick, and I don't need a miraculous catch of fish. What I do need from the resurrected Christ is someone whose love even longer-lasting than my habit of running down dead-ends.
Thanks be to God for the wisdom to know when and where to say No to us... and who refuses to give up on us at the same time.
Lord Jesus, let your power be made perfect in our weakness, and let your patient wisdom be our guide, today and always.
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