On Not Being A Jerk--October 6, 2022

On Not Being A Jerk--October 6, 2022

"Eat whatever is sold in the meat market without raising any question on the ground of conscience, for 'the earth and its fullness are the Lord's.' If an unbeliever invites you to a meal and you are disposed to go, eat whatever is set before you without raising any question on the ground of conscience. But if someone says to you, 'This has been offered in sacrifice,' then do not eat it, out of consideration forone who informed you, and for the sake of conscience--I mean the other's conscience, not your own. For why should my liberty be subject to the judgment of someone else's conscience? If I partake with thankfulness, why should I be denounced because of that for which I give thanks?" [1 Corinthians 10:25-30]

Sometimes it is easier to wear a t-shirt that says, "Be kind" than it is to actually practice kindness toward other people.

I'm not saying it's a bad idea to wear a shirt, or have a necklace, or display a bumper sticker with the slogan, "Be kind," on it--I have a big one of those on my guitar case, actually, featuring Mr. Rogers on it, too.  But I am saying that we have a way of reducing good things to slogans we can print or share on social media and then not making the effort to live those slogans out in real life.  And that's where it really counts.

This is one of those examples.  In a sense, the whole situation Paul is addressing could boil down to being kind.  Basically, Paul says, if you're in a situation where someone else's conscience will be agitated by the source of the meat you have at a dinner, then be considerate of their feelings and don't cause additional offense.  But if you're in a situation where nobody will be upset or bothered about whether the meat at the table had come from a pagan sacrifice before it arrived at the butcher shop, then you don't need to ask or go out of your way to find out.  No harm, no foul.  It's simply a matter of being considerate of the people around you.

And that raises a really important point here that sometimes we church folk are not great at recognizing: sometimes the right question is not, "Is this a sin in all times and situations?" but rather, "What is the kind thing to do in THIS situation?"  Paul doesn't seem to think that eating or not eating the meat sacrificed to an idol is a sin [although he did make it clear earlier that we shouldn't be actively participating in the ritual act of sacrificing something to Zeus or Jupiter or Asherah or Caesar].  But here the question isn't about whether it is "sinful" to eat, but rather about being considerate of the other people at the table.  "If it's going to be an issue for them, don't be a jerk about it," Paul says.  And on the other hand, if this isn't going to be an issue at this meal, then go ahead and eat whatever is offered.  

Sometimes we want to reduce everything to a question of "Is it sinful to do X?" and then to make the only options a stark and absolute binary choice: either it's sinful, in which case it is forbidden for all times, or it is not sinful, in which case nobody can ever tell you not to, and there can be no restrictions, limits, or regulations on your freedom to do X.  But Paul reminds us that sometimes the right question is, "What does it look like to practice kindness and consideration for others in this situation?"  And that may mean we refrain from something we are technically "free" to do in some situations out of consideration for others around us.  In other words, sometimes the call just not to be a jerk outweighs the logic of absolute freedom to do things that aren't "sins."

It is really tempting in our day and age to make everything so starkly black-and-white.  You know how the thinking goes: if something is against the law, it is always wrong and never acceptable, but if it is legal, then there should be no limits or restrictions or regulations of any kind for any reason whatsoever on it, because... "freedom."  That's just a secular version of the same "is-it-sin-or-not" binary, and that just doesn't always apply, at least to hear Paul tell it.

Maybe a modern parallel would be worth considering, since we are not likely to have a lot of meat-sacrifice debates in the twenty-first century.  But I do know folks who are recovering from alcoholism and are doing the work, one day at a time, to stay sober.  And that changes my calculus about when I do or don't order a beer or a glass of wine.  If I'm in a gathering and others I know are struggling with sobriety, I'm not going to make it worse for them by telling them about this super delicious double IPA I have just ordered.  And if I'm the host of a gathering, I'll make sure there are non-alcoholic choices for people no matter what, just to be certain that I'm not making it harder for others to have a good time and stay sober.  It is oversimplifying to say, "Either it is always morally acceptable to drink alcohol or it is never acceptable to do so."  Rather, it really is context and relationship dependent.  That's not moral relativism--that's just recognizing that we are called beyond mere rule-following to the deeper practice of love, which involves empathy for others and consideration for what others might be going through.

In the course of my day, there are lots of things I am willing to live with restrictions, limits, or regulations on for the sake of being considerate to others, and it doesn't phase me at all.  I'll be the same is true for you.  I'm willing to wear a mask when I visit someone in the hospital or nursing home, or even in other visitation situations, if that will help others to be more at ease when we are concerned about spreading disease.  I'm willing to walk through the metal detectors to make sure I don't take any weapons into the courthouse when I go to drop off a return of marriage, even though I'm not carrying any weapons and yet still have to unload keys, phone, pen, and loose change.  I'm willing to ask about other people's food allergies or preferences before cooking a meal for guests, even if that means I have to change my plans for what I would have liked to prepare.  These are all small acts of kindness we can take in every day that move us beyond simply asking, "Is it sinful to do this?  Because if it's not, you can't restrict me." 

It is fair to say that there is more to the Christian faith than just practicing kindness to others--but it is certainly nothing less than that.  In a time like ours that sometimes prides itself on being inconsiderate of others' feelings and calling it "freedom," it is worth remembering that sometimes the best witness we have as Christians is simply taking the time and effort not to be a jerk.

May we at least start there today.

Lord Jesus, keep us mindful of others among us so that we can reflect your kindness and consideration for us that has made room for each of us as we are.  Don't let us be jerks today.