When You've Found 'The One'--July 30, 2026

When You've Found 'The One'--July 30, 2026

[Jesus said:] “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it." (Matthew 13:45-46)

When I heard these words of Jesus, which continue a set of parables that many of us heard this past Sunday in worship, one question forms in my mind: How do you know when you've found "The One"?

Do you know what I mean?  Even keeping the literal imagery of pearls from Jesus' story, how would know you had found "The One" right pearl that was worth selling everything from your list of assets in order to buy it?  How would you know, after having browsed the wares of other dealers in other marketplaces, or after seeking for pearls yourself among the oysters, or traveling to some distant bazaar in search of rare treasures, how would you truly know that this one, the one right in front of you, is the one worthying of emptying your wallet and closing out your bank accounts in order to possess it?

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about pearls and how to choose the best ones, but I do know what it is like to ask the question, "How will I know this is the right... (house, job, person to marry) to choose?" My guess is that you do, too.  You may well have looked at several options for a house to live in, touring the choices, looking at school districts or tax rates, comparing resale values or convenient access to shopping, and had to decide, "Which one is the right one for me?"  After all, when you are looking for a home, chances are that choosing one means not choosing all the other options.  To say "YES" to House A means you are saying "NO" to Houses B through H on your list of candidates.  Or when you are looking for a college to attend, a job to accept, or a location for your business, you go through a similar kind of discernment. And you will likely ask yourself, "How do I know which is the right one to pick?"

And of course, anyone who has been in a serious romantic relationship, or even thought about being in a relationship, at some point asks, "How will I know this is 'The One' for me?"  In 1964, Betty Everett offered her approach to an answer: "If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss... (shoop shoop)." Other people might say, "You know you've found the right person when you can picture yourself growing old together." Maybe, it's "the person you can't live without." Or, like Billy Crystal says it in When Harry Met Sally... "When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."  Find the person who does that, and you know you've got "The One," according to Harry's logic.  Implicit in the question seems to be an awareness, though, that when you have found "The One," you are also letting go of having the same kind of relationship with other possible candidates.  Marrying one person typically means, as the old vows go, "forsaking all others."  There is, in other words, a cost to choosing someone to be "The One." At the very least, it typically means you are not building your life with other romantic interests.

So maybe you and I haven't ever been pearl merchants before, but chances are that we do know what it's like to wonder how we will know "the right one" to choose in some other area, from vocation to residence to romance.  We know that sometimes the simple act of choosing one means letting go of all the other options. 

And I think that sheds some important light on the way Jesus talks about the kingdom of heaven here in this parable--and about the costs we might incur by spending our lives walking the Jesus way.  There is indeed a cost to following Jesus, as we even noted in yesterday's devotion with the similar parable about the man who buys the field with the buried treasure in it.  But in this similar story, you get the sense that somehow this particular pearl merchant knows, the moment he finds "The One," that this one is special.  Somehow, when you know that you've found The One you've been looking for all along, it doesn't bother you at all to know that you aren't buying any of the other pearls on sale behind the jewelry counter.  To choose the pearl of great price might mean you can't also purchase the ruby in the corner display or the emerald and topaz earrings in the window, but none of that matters, because you have found what you were looking for.  The cost is an opportunity-cost--that is, by choosing A you are not choosing B.  But if A was what you were looking for, then you would gladly forgo any of the other options around, because you've found the think you were seeking!

In the same vein, I don't know anybody who has fallen in love who then pouts at the thought of getting to be with the person they love rather than someone else; when you love someone, you are glad to be with them, after all!  I think that's the sense in which Jesus speaks of the cost of seeking the Reign of God.  It's like falling in love--and when you have fallen in love, you realize at some point that this is the person you are going to be spending your life with, as opposed to someone else or in some other life.  That is a cost, in a sense, and yet it is one you would gladly pay, because you've found the one who you want to spend your life with.  In a similar way, to discover the beauty of the kingdom way of life means realizing it comes at a cost: living by Jesus' pattern of unconditional love, grace toward the lowly, mercy for stinkers, generosity toward others, and welcome for strangers means you are giving up other ways of spending your life: ones centered on greed, animosity, and fear, for example.  Choosing one rules out the others, and yes, that can feel like a cost.  But it is also the life that really is life--it's like knowing you have found "The One."

That's it: in Jesus, we have found "The One" we were looking for, even if we didn't realize we were looking or know ahead of time how we would know. And when it does actually dawn on us that we have been embraced by the love we needed, we will gladly quit running down all the other dead-ends that were never going to fulfill us. Call it a cost if you like, but I think it is more honest to say it's like realizing that, because you've found The One you want to spend the rest of your life with, you now want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.

And indeed, the life Jesus gives us, the one we call "eternal," begins now.

Lord Jesus, help us to see what we have found in you and to gladly spend our lives walking with you in the world.