Hope for Chicken-Hearts Like Me--June 23, 2020

Hope for Chicken-Hearts Like Me--June 23, 2020

"Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it." [Matthew 10:39]

Let me start with a confession and a bit of truth-in-advertising: I am, most of the time, pretty much a chicken. That might not even be fair to chickens--I've seen some pretty brave poultry over time.  But I confess to you that I am often one who takes the cowardly option, who looks for the path of least resistance, and who would rather disappear into the woodwork like a wallflower rather than muster up what it takes to be brave.  

So I am no expert at courage.

But even as chicken-hearted as I am, there is hope for me on the lips of Jesus.  He speaks a powerful and empowering truth that can begin to change things for the bravery-deficient ones like me.  And the truth goes something like this: you don't have to be afraid of losing.  

You don't have to be afraid of losing--not losing your comfortable position, not your income, not your status, not your reputation, not your privileges, and not even your life itself.  You don't have to be afraid of having any of those things taken away--and when you realize that you don't have to be afraid of losing them, all of a sudden you don't have to be afraid any more about some ominous "them" taking those things away.  You don't have to eke out an existence ruled by fear.  I don't have to be ruled by fear.  And once I climb out from under the fear, I will find myself more fully alive than I have ever been.

It occurs to me that an awful lot of our daily energy is spent clutching onto things that we are afraid of letting go of. I'm afraid of losing my importance in society, so I get upset and defensive at changes in the world that could mean I'm not as powerful or influential.  Or I'm afraid of losing the comfortable and the familiar that I have built my life around... so I get angry at anything that threatens to change my well-worn routines.  Or I'm afraid of considering that I might be wrong about something, and losing face, so I dig my heels in and retreat to my own circles of like-mindedness so I won't have to be challenged.  Or maybe I'm afraid of losing the picture I have of myself as a "good little boy" or a "good little girl," and so I am afraid of hearing from others what they see in me that I cannot see in myself.  Maybe I'm afraid of losing my job, my livelihood, my house, my career, or whatever else is essential to my existence, and so I lash out against anything that I perceive as a threat to those things.  Basically, we live our lives running away from one fear after another.  And it is exhausting.

So Jesus frees us by calling our bluff.  Every time we hold off or step back from following Jesus and living in his vision of the Reign of God by saying, "But what if I lose...?", Jesus just comes back at us and says, "Yes. What if you lost it all? You would still have me.  You will need to decide if I am enough for you or not."  And then he goes on to give us a life that not only meets all our needs, but beyond that gives us a depth and a richness beyond all the fear.  

As long as I am living my life centered on fear of some ominous "them" out to get me, or out to take what I value, I will be constantly looking over my shoulder, clenching my fist, clutching onto whatever I can hold onto, and missing out on what life is really about--which is to give oneself away.  As long as I waste my breath lobbing bitter comments against the people I am afraid of because I do not understand them... as long as I spend my life seeing others around me as competition to be suspicious of... as long as I get fear of losing something guide my choices and actions, I am already a little dead inside.  Maybe more than a little.  But Jesus just pushes back and asks the question my fear didn't want to let me face:  "Would I be enough, if you still lost all those things?"  If I decide Jesus isn't enough, well, then I should probably be honest and admit I'm not really a follower of Jesus, but would like to use him as my personal wish-granting mascot or trinket, like a rabbit's foot or a genie.  But if Jesus really is enough, even compared with losing everything else, then the fear of loss is short-circuited... and I don't have to be overpowered by constant anxiety of losing things.

Jesus' question comes to us like the witness of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace: will we dare to trust that God's presence with us in the fire is enough?  It comes to us like the witness of the prophets, who knew they were going to get run out of town and in trouble with the Respectable Religious Crowd for speaking what God gave them to say... and yet spoke anyway.  It comes like the story of Abraham and Sarah, willing to risk losing their old lives and fortunes headed into a future they could only imagine as they answered the call of God.

As long as I am afraid of losing what I think I possess right now, I'll be trapped in the fear, and will keep doing the chicken-hearted thing when push comes to shove.  But when I can dare to face the thought of losing it all and I realize that Jesus will hold me through it all, then the fear loses its power over me, and it cannot make me do its bidding any longer.  And in that moment, I am free.

And once I am free, it's like discovering you are awake and alive for the first time after having been asleep up until now.  It's like being called to life again after being dead in the grave.  It's a little resurrection that happens in your deepest self.

That's what Jesus gives us--the resurrection to new life that comes exactly at the point where we are no longer afraid of losing our old lives.  Is it scary?  Absolutely I can be.

Is it worth it?  Without a doubt--even for chicken-hearts like me.

Lord Jesus, call to us again and help us to let go... so that we may be more fully alive than fear allows us to be right now.