Learning to Love--July 7, 2022

Learning to Love--July 7, 2022

"I am not writing this to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children." [1 Corinthians 4:14]

Sometimes it is enough to offer an example, hoping others will follow your lead.  But sometimes you have to get people's attention long enough for them to realize what you are doing, and why it is worth it to do the same.

And as Paul hints, one of the places that is most evident is in a family.  The job of parents, after all, is not merely to provide "stuff" for their children (although it includes that), but also to help their children grown into decent human beings, ones who are then able to care for their own families and teach their own children one day.  That means when parents serve their children--for example, cooking dinner, washing clothes, or scrubbing bathrooms--they are doing to things at once: they are attending to their children's immediate needs, and they are also setting an example for their children to learn to follow as well.  One day, the children will have washing machines and kitchens in houses of their own, and they'll need the modeling they've seen in their parents to help them step into those roles as adults.

And if you're playing the long game (which is the only way you can think about being a parent), you hope that after enough years of seeing love enacted in a thousand selfless acts, your children will have learned how to embody love well when they are looking out for the next generation.  But... sometimes, you do have to stop and make sure the young ones are paying attention now.  Sometimes you have to sit them down and say, "Did you see what just happened here?  Do you understand what you have been given?  Do you understand both how deeply you are loved and how you are called to love others as well?" Sometimes, as Paul says, you have to have a frank discussion about the sacrifices love makes, so that the beloved children in the household will learn the shape of love in their own lives, too.

I was watching at our table the other day as my wife set out leftovers for lunch. And even though our daughter's chosen lunch was still warming in the microwave, her eyes got big when she caught sight of the two little slider sandwiches my wife was going to have.  And without missing a beat, my wife said, "Did you want one of these sandwiches?"  The nine-year-old girl with the big eyes nodded (and you could almost tell her mouth was watering), and so my wife offered her one of the sandwiches she would have had for herself without hesitation.  But to make it clear why she had not been offered one in the first place, we both said to our daughter, "You had said you wanted what's in the microwave, so we weren't trying to leave you out.  You chose something else.  Of course, you may have this sandwich if you are hungry for it and are going to eat it--there's plenty of other food for us grown-ups to have if we are still hungry.  But notice how freely you have been given this.  Remember that the next time you are feeling stingy when someone else asks something of you."  Well, something like that came out of our mouths.  Who knows how much of it went into any listening ears...

My point is to say that to people who are already observant and paying attention, sometimes you can just model what love looks like in the ways you embody it, but sometimes you have to pause and turn one of those actions into a teachable moment.  Sometimes you have to call attention to what is happening when love takes shape in serving, because otherwise those who are served may miss the connection that they, too, will one day be in the position of serving someone else.  Sometimes we need a loving voice (even if it doesn't feel particularly loving at the time when we are hearing it) to help us to understand what is being done for us, both so that we can appreciate it fully, and so that we will gain the spiritual muscle memory to do the same on another day when we are the ones in the position to serve.  When that kind of direction comes from someone who loves you and wants to see you grow into your fullest, best self, you can recognize those teachable moments as another form of love, rather than just a sermon in good manners.  Each of us who find ourselves in the role of parents--whether literally raising children in a household, or as mentors and servant-leaders in other kinds of relationships--may err on the side of being too preachy once in a while (preachers especially run this risk, I have learned), but it doesn't mean it's always a wrong move.  Sometimes we do need to turn quiet acts of serving into lived parables.

Paul's point, then, isn't really that different from what Jesus does on his last night with his disciples.  As John's Gospel tells it, Jesus first quietly washes the feet of his disciples--taking the lowliest and most humbling job of a servant for his deepest friends and closest students.  But then, John notes, after he's put his tunic back on and dried himself off, Jesus explains to his disciples what they have just lived through.  "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asks, before telling them that if he, their Lord and teacher, has served them in this way without complaint or bitterness, then they are called to serve one another in the same way.  Something similar is going on in the other gospels' storytelling on that same night, when Jesus takes bread and wine and says, "This is my body, given for you... this is my blood, shed for you."  Whatever else is happening at that last supper together, Jesus is imbuing meaning to his disciples into these leftovers from the Passover meal, so that they will understand that his coming death on a Roman cross is not a random accident but a chosen act of self-giving, suffering love.  Sure, we can talk about how Jesus is instituting a sacrament, but he is also creating a teachable moment so that the ones who are learning from him will understand his actions.

That's what Paul has been doing in this passage from First Corinthians.  When he talked in yesterday's verses about answering hatred with kindness and slander with blessing, his point was not to brag, but to help teach.  He is teaching his friends at First Church of Corinth one more shape that love takes, in the hopes that they will be able to love the people around them in their own ways.  And as we eavesdrop on this conversation some twenty centuries later, we are asked to imagine, too, how Paul's example might give us direction for how we love in the circumstances we find ourselves in today.  And then, we who have learned (and are still learning!) from the way of Jesus and of his followers like Paul, in turn become people who can be examples for those who come after us.  It's all about teachable moments, both when we are the learners and when we are the teachers.

Today, then, we have two tasks.  First, who are the people in your life who embody the way of Jesus well for you, whose example can inspire the ways you love today?  Pay attention to them--watch what they do, and listen to what they say.  And then, ask yourself, "Who are the people in my life who are already watching me and looking to my example to walk the way of Jesus?" And face this day knowing that others are following where you lead.

Right now, right here--this is a teachable moment.  What will we learn in it?  What will we leave for others to learn from us?

Lord Jesus, open our eyes and ears to be attentive to the people you place in our lives to embody your love, and make of us good examples of your love for those who are learning from us.