The Hard Work of Growing Up--July 15, 2022

The Hard Work of Growing Up--July 15, 2022

"For the kingdom of God depends not on talk but on power.  What would you prefer? Am I to come to you with a stick, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?" [1 Corinthians 4:20-21]

Okay, let's get this much out of the way: the apostle Paul is not literally threatening to come all the way to Corinth just to smack church members on the knuckles with a ruler.  Rather, this is a question about how they want their next encounter with Paul to go--will it be a joyful time of reunion and celebration, or will it come with disappointment, correction, and the pain of having to see they had gone off course.  One feels like the proverbial carrot, and one feels like the proverbial stick.  

I find myself having similar conversations with my kids in those times when they are digging their heels in on some small matter that doesn't have to be a big deal.  Maybe it's just picking up the clothes they've left on the floor despite being asked about it five times. Maybe it's the need to change their attitude and language with their sibling.  Maybe it's a simple, "I'm sorry for being rude," or whatever.  None of these are terrible burdens being inflicted on my children, but sometimes their response--like just about all children--is to dig their heels in and make it a contest of wills.  And at that point, when some piddling little trifle of an issue becomes a hill they think they want to die on, I will say something, "Look, this doesn't have to be a big deal.  There don't have to be more severe consequences here--this is a chance to lower the temperature here, to back things down, and to start over.  But you get to choose--continue in your current course of action and attitude, and things are going to get more unpleasant for you.  On the other hand, you can choose to do the thing you have been asked to do, and we can go back to things being good all around.  Your choice."

I won't pretend that this kind of parental warning-shot is always effective.  And sometimes the immature mind that decides to dig heels in and make a fuss then has to discover that you were not kidding around about consequences.  Whether that's losing something they like [say, devices that connect to the internet] or fun things they want to do, or bedtime gets moved up to help tired small humans make better choices with some rest, my job as a parent means that we can't be just doling out empty threats we have no intention of following through on.  So that gives me some direction about what kinds of consequences or punishments I am willing to threaten, and what things I should not just bluster about.  Since I have no intention of smacking anybody with a stick or a belt, I will not be making those kinds of threats.  But when I do name a possible consequence of making bad choices, it is one I am prepared to mete out.  A parent who is all talk and bluster, or who never follows through on whatever consequences they have held over their kids' heads, is not really being loving--they're just teaching their kids that their words are not to be taken seriously.

That's kind of the situation Paul is in: he needs the people in Corinth to know that, as a parent of sorts [remember he's been talking about how he is like a spiritual parent to them], he does have a responsibility to see them grow up and come to maturity.  And when he sees them acting in ways that are immature, selfish, or counter to the way of Christ, Paul is prepared to call them out on it.  But also like a parent, Paul sees this letter as a moment to give them a wake-up call of sorts.  This is the moment to lower the temperature of the situation, to back down on the tension, and to get them to change directions now, so that when Paul does come, the conversation can be a good and gentle one.  This is like the parent at the dinner table, laying out what needs to change, and then saying to the wayward kids, "You get to decide how things go from here, based on your choices.  You can change course and modify your behavior, and things will go more easily--or you can continue on this course, and you'll see that things can get unpleasant."  It's a way of compelling people to take ownership of their actions and to see that their choices have consequences, and it allows off-ramps, so to speak, before the stakes get too painful.

In other words, this is a chance for the folks in Corinth to take a step toward maturity--they can see that their current path is headed in a bad direction, and they can choose differently.  They can do better.  Paul really believes they can change for the better--that they can grow beyond their pettiness, and they can mature past their arrogant self-centeredness, and choose something better.  He helps in this moment to create the opportunity, like a wake-up call, to see better... so they can know better... so they can do better.

It's moments like this in the Scriptures that remind me how hard it can be--especially in an ultra-polarized time like ours is--to do what Paul is inviting his readers to do.  It is hard to face the unpleasant truth that we have been acting immaturely or unwisely.  It is harder still to be shown how we have been acting in ways that run counter to the love of Jesus. And in the face of those kind of confrontations, it is so much easier [we tell ourselves] to dig our heels in, insist that we are right, and ignore any information to the contrary. It is easier, somehow, to say, "I'm right, so I don't have to be respectful to others in showing my right-ness," than to say, "I was a jerk, and that was wrong.  I need to make things right and do better."  But love is quite often doing the hard thing rather than the easy thing--especially love shaped by Jesus.

So maybe we can use these words of Paul's as our own personal wake-up calls.  He isn't writing directly to you or me--we have come on the scene twenty centuries too late for him to be thinking of us.  But we can use his wake-up call for the Corinthians to be our own wake-up call, and to look honestly at where in our lives we've been digging our heels in where we should have been open to being corrected.  And we can let this moment be our chance to do the hard thing of growing... of changing old [and bad] patterns... and of owning our mistakes, so that we can grow from them.

It will be challenging.  But we do it together.  And we do it knowing that's what growing up in Christ looks like.  I do believe that makes it worth it.

Lord Jesus, give us the courage to change course where we need to, the bravery to own our failures, and the willingness to grow in maturity.