An Absence of Fear--August 24, 2022

An Absence of Fear--August 24, 2022

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain unmarried as I am. But if they are not practicing self-control, they should marry.  For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." [1 Corinthians 7:8-9]

You know what I notice is completely absent from this whole conversation about whether or not to marry?  There's no mention of fear at all.  Not a whiff of anxiety about what will happen if a certain percentage Christians do not marry, procreate, and raise another generation of church-folk.  Not a trace of insecurity about being alone or left to fend for oneself.  And absolutely no distress or worry about Christians being "replaced" by other growing demographic groups.

That's really something, if you think about it, because in all honesty, a lot of the time, folks bring a lot of fearful baggage to their thinking about marriage.  And for Paul, doing something out of fear is a terrible reason to do it.  Here's what I mean.  Sometimes, you'll hear folks treat the question of getting married as a matter of calculating odds of being alone, being unfulfilled, or being unable to provide for oneself later in life.  As much as we may think we've moved away from that kind of social pressure, it's still definitely out there.  The questions put to the single folks might go like this:  "When are you finally going to settle down?  After all... [ominous pause] you're not getting any younger!"  Or maybe it's, "So-and-so isn't ideal a spouse, but I'd rather have somebody than nobody, so I'd better settle for this one!"  And sometimes it's just this unspeakable insecurity that if you're not paired up with someone else, you'll be left alone to face the difficult stuff of life as you age, like sickness, loss, and death.  A lot of those things go unsaid, but they are still out there, like a force-field, pushing on people to be afraid of what bad thing might happen if they don't get romantically paired up.

What amazes me is that Paul doesn't seem concerned by any of those worries--not for himself, and not for the folks in Corinth.  And that's because Paul really does believe that the rest of the Christian community, including Christ's own presence among us, mean we are never left to fend for ourselves alone.  Paul really does count on the church as a whole to step up to support those who need support, to offer the gifts of friendship and of "found-family," and to share the difficult things that come in life, like aging, sickness, and loss.  Paul doesn't see the need to pin everything on settling for a sub-par spouse out of social expectations when the Christian community as a whole can be there for us, genuinely and truly.  So for anybody feeling pushed into a relationship because of some unspoken pressure not to end up alone, Paul seems to say here, "You don't have to be afraid--we are here with you. You are never alone."  

The other thing that seems important here is that Paul doesn't seem concerned at all about birth-rates or keeping up with other demographic groups to avoid being "replaced." He doesn't talk about marriage at all as a way of making sure there will be enough "Christian" babies born to keep the church going--because the Christian community works differently.  We don't grow by simply "birthing" new members--the church grows by baptism, by the pull of the Holy Spirit, and by the compelling love and witness of Christians living in the way of Jesus.  While other kinds of societies or ethnic groups constantly worry about having to keep their numbers strong so that they don't die out, the church doesn't have live by that fear.  We don't have to worry about being "replaced," because the Christian community isn't defined by our biology, ethnicity, culture, language, or DNA passed from one generation to another.  

There are so many [pitiable] voices in our wider culture these days who are petrified by fear that their ethnic majority or social status will be lost as other groups grow, and they feed into a bigoted fear that their group will be "replaced." [And the consequences of that kind of fear are serious and deadly, as the families of the victims of the shootings in Buffalo last spring, or in El Paso a few years ago, or in Charleston at Mother Emanuel before that, will attest--those acts of violent and cowardly domestic terrorism were inspired by people who said they were afraid of their white demographic majority being "replaced" by other groups.]  But the followers of Jesus are meant to be different--we do not have to live with such insecurity, because the community of Jesus doesn't operate by mere biological reproduction.  And therefore, there is no added pressure that everybody needs to be birthing as many "in-group" babies to keep the numbers up.  Marriage doesn't have to be co-opted, as it has in other groups and eras in history, into being just a way of making sure there are "more of us" than there are of "them."  Paul doesn't have any fear that if we don't have enough marriages producing enough babies, that the gospel will die out or Christianity will be "replaced." He is convinced that the Good News of Jesus is powerful enough on its own to continue to draw people from every language, nation, culture, and ethnicity.  In a time like ours where some awfully loud voices keep shouting that fearful message, it's important for us to hear Paul's assurance, offered here between the lines, that we don't have to pressure folks into the mold or expectation of marriage as a way of birthing more disciples or keeping our demographics in a good place.  That's now how it works for the followers of Jesus, and it never has been.

So even though at first these verses might seem disconnected from our real-life situations, or Paul's perspective might sound out of touch, there really is good news for us to hear in his words.  And that good news is truly needed in a time where so much fear is stirred up among demagogues and talking heads.  We don't have to be afraid, and that means we don't have to be pushed into relationships that aren't right for us because others have manipulated us with fear.  We just don't have to afraid that way... and so we are free to enter into healthy and loving relationships for good reasons, not simply out from social pressure.  And it also means that nobody "has" to get married at all in order to be a good Christian.  The things we might have been taught to be afraid of do not have to hold power over us.  That really is deeply good news, even if today it's primarily the good news of what isn't said.

Lord God, free us from fear that clouds our choices, so that we can make good and wise decisions in our relationships for their own sakes, not out of insecurity.