What To Say No To--November 17, 2022

What To Say No To--November 17, 2022

"Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude." [1 Corinthians 13:4c-5a]

Sometimes you get clarity on what you are supposed to be by saying a clear "No" to what you are not.  Sometimes you get a better understanding of what is good by contrasting it with what is clearly bad.  And sometimes you see a sharper image by paying attention to the contrast of extremes--the chiaroscuro of light up against the dark, and the negative space that makes the focal points pop out.

That's what Paul does here as he continues to sketch out what the way of love--which is the way of Jesus, as well as the character of God.  He gives us a sharper silhouette of the shape of God's kind love by tracing out what love is not like, right alongside his description of what love is.  Like Caravaggio, Rembrandt, or some other old master of classical painting, Paul highlights bright spots by setting them beside shadow, showing us gloomy traits that are opposed to the way of love.  And by seeing them side by side, the good and the bad, he hopes we'll see what makes love so compelling.

I'm reminded of a similar move that author Octavia Butler made in her dystopian novel, Parable of the Talents, that still haunts me every time I read it.  Her narrator offers this observation, highlighting good and virtuous leadership by contrasting it with its opposite:

"Choose your leaders with wisdom and forethought.
To be led by a coward is to be controlled by all that the coward fears.
To be led by a fool is to be led by the opportunists who control the fool.
To be led by a thief is to offer up your most precious treasures to be stolen.
To be led by a liar is to ask to be told lies.
To be led by a tyrant is to sell yourself and those you love into slavery."

If Butler had just stopped with the opening line, focusing on "wisdom and forethought," it would have bordered on empty cliche.  Yes, yes, we all want wise and virtuous leaders, but we don't give it much thought beyond those generic adjectives. But by highlighting the contrast with crooked leadership--cowardice, foolishness, thieving, lying, and tyranny--she sharpens her point and makes it clear just how high the stakes are.

I think we need that kind of heightened contrast from Paul, because we need to be clear that choosing the way of love rules out certain other modes of thinking.  Striving to love more authentically cannot coincide with envy, boasting, or arrogance.  They are fundamentally pointed in opposite directions.  Envy and pride point inward--as though I am the center of the universe, and as if I'm the only one whose interests matter.  But love points outward to ask, "How am I in relation to others, and how are my actions interconnected with the lives of others?"  

Envy sees something good and wants it for itself--to possess it and control it and prevent anybody else from enjoying it, while love sees something good and wants the good to flourish.  It's rather like the old line, "If you like a flower, you pick it and put it in a vase; but if you love a flower, you let it grow and bloom."  

Similarly, arrogance and boasting are about puffing our selves up, often at the expense of others, rather than lifting up the people around us.  It's a mindset that sees everything as a competition, where I cannot let your accomplishments or strengths be seen, or at least be seen as "better" than mine, so I have to make myself look stronger, smarter, richer, more successful, and so on.  And in that regard, arrogance and boasting quite often come from a place of deep insecurity--it's when I don't really know or believe my own worth that I feel the need to brag and strut.  But when I am grounded in love and know I am beloved, worthy, and accepted, I don't have to go shouting about how great and glorious I think I am.

The way of love is an alternative to envy and arrogance, to boasting and rudeness, because we know we don't have to play those games anymore.  For the followers of Jesus, our identity starts with knowing we are beloved--forever and without condition or exception--and when that sinks in, we do not have to compare ourselves to anybody else or want what someone else has.  We are freed, then, to seek the good of others around us because we aren't hung up on wanting more or how we measure up to anybody else.

We need the contrast presented here in today's verse, because we need to be clear that saying "yes" to the way of love, the way of Jesus, means saying "no" to other things.  And as much as God's love is inclusive of all sorts of people, it is not compatible with all sorts of attitudes.  To say yes to the way of love means learning to say no to envy, greed, and avarice, and to the sense of entitlement that says I should be able to have whatever I want whenever I want it.  To say yes to the way of love means growing out of the insecurity that makes me feel the need to brag and talk down to others.  And to say "yes" to love means we orient our lives toward seeking the good of all, and that we turn away from the voices and influences that suck us backward into the old ways of jealous and pride.  All of that is possible because we are first beloved by God exactly as we are, and because God is so completely grounded in knowing God's own worth and value that God doesn't need to brag, boast, or covet.  Our kind of authentic love is possible, once again, because it flows from God's authentic love at the source.

Today, when we catch ourselves being pulled into those old patterns of envy and arrogance, and when we feel the old insecurities whispering to us again, it's wise for us to stop, say a clear "no" to going down that path, and to remind ourselves, "I am beloved of God.  Jesus calls me worthy and accepted.  I am filled with the Spirit's love for me and for all."  And once again we find our bearings and can choose which path to take.

Let's take the next step.

Lord God, ground us in your love so clearly that we don't need to fall for our old insecurities.